To Friends and Friendships…

A little more than two decades in this world, I have a bag full of learnings and realisations, some about myself, some of the decisions I have made, some are observations, and some are just the experience of living these many years. One of the few things that I have often struggled with, is to maintain a balance. Be it between personal and professional life, be it with friendships and relationships, be it with hobbies and activities… pretty much everything. I am guilty of swaying in extremes. I think, all of us are at some point in life, I still am. I am at a stage in life where everything around me is changing rapidly, it is almost like reliving my early teens. Unlike the teens, these changes are more permanent, these feelings are for the long term.

I am not sure if it is all of you, but I have definitely struggled with friendships. I have friends. I have a 2 A.M. friend, I have a ‘keep me grounded’ friend, I have a friend that others think is my friend but I know he/she isn’t my friend. So, yeah, basically, I do have a friend circle, I have a close knit, tight group of people I know I can fall back on. This post, it’s about the other set of friends, It is for people who I have met in this course of life, whatever little I have lived till now, and surprisingly, the number of these friends is a lot. It is like the social circle, I guess. But off late, this group, or social circle, or friends, for a simpler reference, has got me thinking… It has got me thinking about myself. What should we expect from a group of ‘just friends’? Do we talk to them often? Do we keep ourselves updated with what’s happening in their lives? Do we keep them informed about our lives? I don’t know.

There was a time that I was in touch with a large group of people. I used to meet them often, we used to hang out, I used to text them, chat with them, call them, and so on… but then I started expecting the same. It never reciprocated. The loving statuses on facebook, the emotional photo captions, the overflowing emoticons, they all just became a hurtful reminder for me, they reminded me of the time and effort I invested in a friendship that was  probably always superficial. From then on, I detached myself and to my surprise, that too didn’t go down well. I am still judged for ‘not keeping in touch’, almost as of it is just my duty. However, this detachment, it is probably one of the best gifts I have given to myself in the longest possible time. Absolutely no regrets there. Recently, though, a lot of this has started affecting me. I have been thinking about how and where do things change? Do they happen with all of us? Or was it just me?

Moving to a new city makes you realise a lot many things. It teaches you so much more about life than you can ever possibly imagine. It opens up a whole new perspective. If nothing else, it makes you realise who matters. We all expect. I am no different, I do too, but a physical distance made me realise how emotionally distant I was from this group of ‘just friends’. It wasn’t just me being distant, it was them too. Their words raised my expectations, their actions punched me in my gut. The occasional social media interactions would tell a different tale, but then, social media is a just a part of the entire story, probably just a para out of the entire novel.

Letting go is probably one of the biggest and the hardest ‘adulting’ lesson. I don’t think I have been able to master that yet. When I look around, I don’t think anyone of us has, not even my parents! We humans, we crave to be heard, to be noticed, and we do it in our own ways. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Solitude is a choice, loneliness is a punishment. When we feel that we are being left out, we agitate. We try to force our ways in, pretty much what this write up is doing. But then, there is only so much you can hold inside of you, you need to vent it out, not for anyone else but for yourself.

They wrote about Me! :D

Biji Loves to Click!

Here is an article in an online youth magazine, 'www.tadpoles.in' who covered my creative journey till now!
Have a read. :)

Hope you like it!

.....And we glorified their Deaths!

Be it Ajmal Kasab or Osama Bin Laden, Media today seems to glorify the actions of these terrorists. Sounds weird? Well, divulge deeper.

We live in a world where Media forms our opinion about almost everything. Even normalcy for that matter is constructed by media (There, I see my course influence). If such is the impact and influence of media, then the information shown and the way it is shown needs to be carefully studied and understood before it being broadcast. I don't deny that it already happens, that's what senior editors are appointed for... but somehow in this highly competitive field where TRP's govern the interests and shareholders influence even the basic facts and figures, Media persons forget the kind of impact a particular news may have on the naive audience. 

Let's relate this to the line I wrote above about glorification of actions of the terrorists.

What is it that the terrorists aim at achieving? Publicity? Isn't that what they are looking for? They want to propagate their ideas and beliefs and value systems on others. They want to create a fear in the minds of people. And Media helps them in achieving just the exact thing! 

There is a saying 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' which if applied here will defeat the purpose of these terrorist organisations, however that isn't what happens. 

Osama Bin Laden, a name that everybody living in the 21st century would relate to. His ideas, his views about Jihaad and Islaam received ample coverage. The reason why he became such a big figure was not his terrorist activities but the kind of exposure he received. 

Abottabad was an unknown city until the US forces landed their to kill Bin Laden. Today, we all know where Abottabad is and what happened there, and well even the how factor (Discovery made an entire series of Documentaries on the Killing of Bin Laden).  

I would have settled my thoughts even if after his death media would have stopped mentioning him. But No, they would want to earn even from the death of a terrorist! 

I recently picked up a book 'Growing Up Bin Laden: Osama's Wife and Son Take Us inside Their Secret World', a book that further propagates Osama's ideas. Obviously, the book doesn't portray him and his thoughts in any good light, but the fact that we are being exposed to such violent and pervasive viewpoints at such an alarming rate that it has started to settle in our sub conscious minds. And this is dangerous, extremely dangerous! 

A recent judgement by the Supreme Court of Pakistan advised the media to not glorify terrorism  by publishing statements of the leaders of terrorists organisations. (Sometimes, I wonder, if the news channels and reporters can interview these terrorists, then why can't our government arrest them?) 

However one may be tempted to argue here that the function of media is to inform the people and to present and unbiased report/account of what is happening in the world around us. But then, does sensationalizing the acts of these terrorists fall under the unbiased report pointer?  

The 26/11 Mumbai attack was an episode of shame for the Media. Live coverage disclosing highly confidential information about the forces and their positions helped the terrorists strategize and cause more harm to our nation. More soldiers lost their lives, more civilians were killed and more coverage and publicity was given to the terrorists. Ajmal Kasab became a household name, directors' visited ground zero, scripts were being designed, emotional stories of the survivors were being captured, heart wrenching images were being shot, all to win the race of TRP's! And in the course of all this, Ajmal Kasab was soon portrayed as a victim of poverty which forced him into the field of terrorism. If this is unbiased reporting, i would reconsider the definition of bias.

Being an aspiring Media professional, i feel it is the responsibility of the media industry to understand the impact certain kinds of news can have on the audience and the society as a whole. We are considered to be the fourth estate however, we are evolving to be the most powerful of these four estates, and its time we probe deeper and understand not just the present impact but also the future implications of our actions. Its a common notion among the audience that such news and views do not affect us, but in reality media affects everybody, you, me and the media persons themselves.

Media content is derived from our societal norms, however it is the same Media which influences these societal norms. Both its consumers and its producers are expected to be responsible. 

Let us as responsible consumers demand responsible media and not glorify them who are to be forgotten!

The Hindu : Arts : No kidding

The Hindu : Arts : No kidding

Homo Sapiens

Life is a heap of emotions and feelings, a careful mixture of happy and sad ones, however for some unknown reason humans tend to hold on to the not so happy ones. We all cherish the happy moments of our lives but we don't recall them often. Whatever memories we tend to recollect have a bit of sadness attached to them.

I haven't yet been able to figure out why. Maybe we like to be in that gloomy state, or we just want people to be sympathetic towards us, or we just want to be a part of the majority!

It’s a known fact, if someone is happy most of the time, that person is either termed as being sad and lonely deep within, or he is judged to be a not so nice person. Stereotypes, I tell you!

But  why?

Why can someone not be happy all the time! Just because you wish to hold on to all those depressing memories and live a life regretting your actions or probably cursing god, doesn't mean the other person should follow suit!

Humans are a very very simple creation of god! All our actions, emotions, needs… Everything is based on our self-happiness and a desire to be in a powerful position or be an attention seeker. As they say, social boycott is probably the worst punishment, simply because we hate to stay unknown, or be unwanted, we fear being alone. We all crave for attention… And a sure shot way of receiving it is by being 'sad'.. It isn't empathy but sympathy that we all like.. We may not accept it, but if we take a minute and look inside ourselves, most of you would agree, if not openly, but surely behind closed doors, in your own company.

We humans are a unique species… Very easy to understand, yet we try to layer ourselves with complexities... It just makes us more desirable for others…Hence more attention.

Such is the human nature!

Acceptance

Almost 18 years of life, and I wonder how good or bad this world full of people is… I surely am a young entrant to this drama called ‘Life’ but these initial years have taught me one very important lesson, you are alone at the end of the day. 

All of us have different notions about the handful of people around us,  our family, friends, siblings, teachers, colleagues etc. And most of the times these notions aren’t just our own, they are influenced highly by the kind of ‘friends’ we have and the kind of society we live in.

Even after spending a considerable time in this world, I still haven’t figured out the set of people who fall under the various categories that I have set. I am not any saint, so for me a category roughly similar to the ‘Bad people’ does exist! But along with it I have a never ending list of wonderful people too but somehow the list keeps increasing and decreasing with each of their actions.

In today’s times being smart doesn’t really mean being truthful or even genuine for that matter, it just means creating an illusion in others minds that you love them the most! A selfish mentality, an attitude of ‘First I’ or ‘I, Me, Myself’ is evident from not just our actions but also our lifestyle.

I don’t consider myself to be one of those ‘smart’ people anyway, my emotions are reflected clearly on my face and even in my words, by just saying ‘oh I love you so much’ when inside you are murmuring ‘ You are such a jerk’ I don’t think we do much good to the society. 

We humans, I have come to realize is, are a very funny breed altogether, our notions of who’s good or who’s bad is directly proportional to the good or bad things others do to us. In fact, if someone does something good for us by harming a third people, we tend to like the person because he has done something good for us; we easily ignore the fact that he harmed someone else in the process of making us happy! But if the same person does the exactly same thing but places us at the other end, we tend to dislike the person.
Why these double standards? 

I'm still in search this answer....

But it isn't worng to conclude with this,

We all dislike criticism

We are scared to say the truth

We are afraid of being alone!

The sooner we accept the problem, the quicker we’ll be able to solve it.

Don’t be what others want you to be, just be yourself and let the world follow.

Apology: A Superglue!

There are times when someone may just do something stupid to bring a smile on your face; At that time it may irritate you and you may shout or respond rudely bad without realising and without acknowledging the noble purpose of the other person.

 Anger and impulsive nature can ruin the best of relationships at times and create differences and misunderstandings which may never get resolved.


Take a step forward and apologise to everyone whom you may have hurt unknowingly or knowingly; even if you aren't on talking terms anymore; this will be a positive step forward which will surely give you immense satisfaction.
Apologise even to your best buddies, you may have hurt them without realising or they must have felt hurt for any of your action or words. This one apology will clear out all misunderstandings without even confronting the issue!


"An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything." ~Lynn Johnston